Fathers are not mothers. Never have been and never will. The way a father can play out masculine authority differs massively from the motherly approach and we’ll understand that better, when we look at human social dynamics of the last 70’000 years.
Basically, there are 3 types of masculine authority. But first, let’s cover, why I say „masculine“ authority and not „fatherly“ like I wrote in the title. That’s easy; fatherhood is something, that does not really exist for our subpsyche and that we should rather call a cultural construct.
Yes, you read right. For millions of years, such a thing as „father responsibility“ or „father love“ didn’t exist, simply because children always have been affiliated to the mother & her tribe. Our ancestor women had so much sex with so much different men, that all guys could’ve been the biological father. It wouldn’t have made sense. Nobody cared. Humans just had sex and cared about the kiddos together. It is to assume, that even the relation of a man’s seed and the creation of an offspring was something completely unknown to humans until around 10’000 BC. But this is another chapter.
In this post, I want to talk about true manly authority, that, after we eliminated the term „father“, roots in the deepest origins of masculinity. It has not the slightest to do with the motherly, nurturing love that so much dads nowadays think they can simply emulate. Actually it stems from – like every masculine characteristic – from the sex game.
Authority type #1 is of competitional kind. Male brains are competition wired for the sake of successful breeding facing dozens of rivals. Basically, you get someone to do something because you dare or challenge him to do so.
„I bet I’m better than you in this. Prove me wrong. Let me see what you can. Prove your worth.“
It is to assume, that since decades of thousands of years or more, men frequently gathered in male-only groups to go on hunting trips. This not only to get some meat, but probably as well to trigger the instincts for sexual competition amongst the guys, absent from women. Returning to the camp, they surely brought full balls together with stories to brag with and anecdotes to mock each other in front of the girls.
Authority type #2 plays the idol card. Although our ancestors didn’t knew fathers, they knew about the importance of male role models. Uncles, brothers and elders gave examples of what it meant to be a man. Here, you get someone to do something, because he looks up to you and seeks your approval.
„If you want to be as cool as me, I wanna see you doing the same. Follow my example. Do what I tell you & you will as well be successful“.
Our ancestors when they were children weren’t chained to a single father figure like nowadays. They could select the coolest guys of the tribe to hang around them and observe & learn from them all day long. The men with the boldest stories, scariest weapons and who made the women scream the loudest surely had the most younglings hard on their heels. Just because they were awesome.
The by far strongest masculine authority type is experience & skills in a certain field. You know that; someone with 20 years of expertise is far more trustful and reliable in his field than a noobie. This goes especiall for hunters, trap constructers, tool crafters and sex stallions.
„Listen to me, I know this situation. I have experience with this and mastered it. You should do what I do & learn from me, because I know how it works.“
Contrary to the incorrect „alpha-male“ concept, men of prehistoric societies formed kind of a meritocracy where the most experienced ones led the group. And it only make sense; if you’re about to cross a desert of unknown dimensions with low quantity of food, you don’t listen to the guy with the loudest mouth but to the one who has seen a desert before.
The Dark Authority
There exists actually a fourth type of authority. The authority by violence. As survival specialists, our male ancestors have mastered the art of killing-readiness and the use of weapons. Being ready to kill in acts of self-defence or whenever the circumstances require it flows deep in the male blood. Our ancestors probably made seldom use of it as they were highly socialized individuals, but as weapon carriers they could’ve easily said „Do this or I kill you“. Such ugly acts of violence massively increased since the event of agriculture, where men began to wage war against each other to gain control over property, resources or women. Ironically, this is the time, where due to male inheritance mechanisms the concept of fatherhood arose for the first time.
The concept of fatherhood and the enforcement of „father authority“ went hand in hand with blood sheds since 12’000 years. Don’t be like them. Use the other 3 types for your children instead.