What in the world is polyfocal sexuality?
Principally, it’s the approach to sexuality that is most natural and healthy for humans. It connects mind, heart and guts.
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What is it based upon?
On more than 200’000 years of human development, where humans probably lived out mostly a polyfocal sex style, leading to relatively harmonic and striving societies. Read „Sex at dawn“ of Christopher Ryan which explains the natural sexuality for humans the best. Although it surely wasn’t always as harmonic as in a hippie-utopia, I truly believe that this is totally realizable today and in the future by being aware of the core mechanisms of human bonds and inner fulfillment.
If something feels really good and fulfilling inside of you…
And bonds people together and creates a better awareness of the collective…
Then I believe this is one of the best things or values humans should pursue. This is why I now explain what I understand under „polyfocal sexuality“.
Why is this an important concept?
This approach to sex in my eyes is the main reason we developed so far as humanity.
• It bonds people together
• It releases happiness hormones making people see the world positively
• It releases tons of creative potential, improving the ability to find survival-solutions
This style of sexuality seems to me being the basement of healthy and functioning societies and may be the model of the future if we want to survive as human species. There may be some points to be altered or improved, I’m always open for discussions.
What are the main points?
In the interest of the living-being collective
Basically, sexuality should connect, not divide. It shouldn’t hurt anyone but be of healing nature instead. It shouldn’t pull you into an egocentric prison but rather make you feel welcome by other humans. For 200’000 years, sex meant to be incorporated into society
Lust shared with one or several partners
Sexuality, arousal and intimacy aren’t personal things. It’s like they belong to the whole tribe and are a shared good.
Of non-excluding nature
Exclusion is a process that creates egocentric individuals. Instead, polyfocal sexuality is more of inviting nature. Principally, the more partners can take part the better. This doesn’t mean you have to orgy all the time, it means that you value the interconnection between souls more than an exclusive approach to your partner
Transparent and potentially visible
Principally, you don’t hide anything. May it be what you’re actually doing with your partner or your fantasies or preferences. Things you hide from others you hide from yourself in your psyche and they become a harmful shadow in the long-term. You don’t have to scream out your dirtiest desires but keeping it hidden is worse. Just treat sex (and masturbation) like the most normal every-day topics.
Appreciation and responsibility amongst partners
This one is important. The souls well-being of all involved stands on the first place. Partners have a mutual responsibility towards each other and appreciating the naked, intimate human soul in front of you in a loving way is the core of polyfocal sexuality
Building up of creative tension
If you’re surrounded by partners you have frequently intercourse with, this will build up a underlying sexual tension in your every-day life, increasing your innovative, inspiring creativity. Think of artists getting inspired by muses for creating the most stunning and soul-resonating art the world has ever seen.
Release of creative potential
While meditating after sex, you will experience a deeper peace than before and an increased ability to let go of all your mental structures in your mind. By dismantling the cemented patterns and worldviews in your psyche, you have a stronger readiness to change things in your life and choosing different paths. You will get new ideas and inspirations, just be open for it. Our ancestors had to be highly flexible to survive in the wilderness and the increased creativity probably led to the invention of tools and stuff.
Strengthens emotional connection
Humans and bonobos are the only panides that regularly look into their partners eyes while copulating, in my opinion the main reason for a strong emotional bonding. You recognize yourself in the soul of the other, strongly connecting both together.
Arousal based on intimacy
In a polyfocal approach, arousal comes up if one can be seen soul-naked by others. It’s like the revealing of ones’ most vulnerable and intimate self that gets embraced in appreciation and respect.
Kundalini ascending freely
As in tantric sex, the goal is not to fulfil specific (egocentric) fantasies but rather letting the strong stream of energy ascending from the genitals flow freely upwards. If doing so without forcing or restraining anything, with time and intensity your chakras will open up one after another. This is where sex gains a highly spiritual dimension but in my opinion absolutely important for the psychic health of the partners. The strong resonation in the sacral, heart and third-eye chakras is what I refer to by saying connecting mind, heart and guts.
Of healing nature
After sex, the partners feel deeply satisfied and like more freed from fantasies or fixations that occupied their minds. You will feel more in alignment with yourself, the others and the universe in general.
Flattening of power gradients
Whatever the social power gradient was before, after sex the partners feel more connected and have an increased sense of equality.
Polyfocal sexuality is based upon the consciousness of affluency, meaning that sex isn’t regarded as a scarce good but rather something so inherent and natural for humans that it will happen by itself often.
Expanding of consciousness
The act of sex itself allows the partners to explore the depths and potentials of their psyche. A very broad, universe-embracing „we“ can be experienced as well as an extremely strong and potent „I“. To widen the spectrum of consciousness-experiences is what can be discovered healthily and safely with careful partners.
The most natural activity
Called the „nicest side-activity of the world“, sex should properly be described as the most important one. Without sex, humans would go extinct. Sex is the corporeal act that created us all. And the wrong approach to sexuality is destroying humans’ psyches. It is therefore the most natural thing in the world and in my opinion, every facet of it should get integrated in our conscious psyche in a healthy way.
The strongest motivator
For men, sex is the strongest motivator to do anything at all. From earning lots of money, to create intriguing art to wars and rapes, in the end all that men strive for is sex. So why not flipping the table around and ensure sexual fulfillment? Men immediately would stop all destructive behavior.
Why is it so similar to subconscious female sexuality?
Female archetypes are dominating the biggest part of our subconsciousness. Female sexuality is much more fluid and less pictured by boundaries as mens’ sexuality and more based on intimacy and emotional connection.
What are the differences to egocentric sexuality?
Egocentric sexuality is based upon the principle of control and only driven by the personal ego. It is often orgasm-fixated and individual fantasies and needs are the main driving force. Cause for this are subconscious complexes and shadows. Desires are always rooting in unseen bottomless holes of the psyche craving to be filled. Therefore, egocentric sexuality always causes either shame or exaggerated pride in the individual.
Arousal is based upon specific fantasies and caused mostly by optics and physical stimulation, regardless of the partner who is mostly perceived as object.
Egocentric sexuality is rather separating than unifying human bonds and individuals can develop psychoses or antisocial behavior in the long-term. Sex gets regarded as scarce good and the attempt to control it leads to harmful sociological structures. Power often gets abused to get sex and sex becomes a mean to cement power structures since sexuality gets perceived as a matter of power relations. This can cause traumas and reinforce destructive behavior and mental patterns in individuals.
Although men are the ones most likely to tap into the trap of egocentricity, there are a lot of women out there as well who approach sexuality this way.
How to develop a healthy approach to it?
The best way is probably to let go of orgasm-fixations and give the partner more control over own sexuality. If sex can happen without determination if an orgasm has to happen or not, this takes pressure away and both can relax far better. If both partners’ fulfillment relies completely on what the other gives, then both will open up their minds and hearts to see the needs and desires of the other. Sex shouldn’t be a give-and-take but rather a giving and receiving.
There are two sexual holons that are both of importance! The collective and the individual. We have to be aware that the individual sexuality is always embedded in the collective. Sex with yourself in your alone-time shall be equally fulfilling as well as mutual sex with other humans, although the first is meant to improve the latter.
Always keep that in mind; Your personal sexual fulfillment can completely go along with
I think, pathologies occur when you prefer alone-time more than intercourse with others although this mustn’t become a dogma. Sometimes, self-sex can serve the soulish healing more than having other people present.